Bubblegum Splash! 8 School Knights (Or: Asobi janai no yo, yagakkou wa) Written by Mike Koos -------------------- Another evening recording session is well underway for Ranma and the Counterparts at their home studio, Fujimura Studios. Rather than watch his star perform, however, their manager - Genma - is preoccupied with a phone call... a grim expression on his face somewhat unlike the one he always wore as he does little more than agree with the person on the other end of the line every so often. In contrast, Ayumi was quite happy and relieved... as Ranma had actually let her sing backup, for once. Regardless of this Ranma breaks into the next verse of 'Hopeless Lovers' on cue. 'I never dreamed I'd miss your voice... the way you look, your smiling face For every time we separate I can't bear to live with the heart-ache...' Genma: (frowns) He turns his attention back to the call. At the same time Ranma catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and wonders what has him so upset. Ranma: The director cuts the music. Director: Ranma? You missed that cue. We're going to have to back up a bit and run it again. Ranma's group starts complaining. Miyuko: Aww, geez... not again. Jade: We're gonna be here all night! Ayumi: I'm sure she had a good reason for- Ranma: If all of you don't stop whining... Miyuko: What was the distraction *this* time? Ranma: (removing her earpiece) As soon as I find out, I'll let you know. Ranma: Everyone, take five. (She exits the booth.) Ayumi: Is she always like this? Jade: You mean you don't know? Ranma: (to Genma) What's up? You look kind of pale. Even for you. Genma: I do? I shouldn't... YOU should. I've just been informed you're five credits short of your high-school diploma. Ranma: So? It's no big deal. Genma: It's one *very* big deal. Are there any other secrets you're keeping from me? I might as well tell everyone your biggest secret... Ranma: You do that. I'll call Mom and tell her where you are and what you've done. Genma: You would do that to your own father? Ranma: (stubbornly) In a minute. Each meets the other's gaze for a tense moment as if waiting for someone to back down. Ranma: We're even. (She turns to leave.) Genma: (grabs her arm) No, we aren't. Besides the fact that I've got the studio manager - among others - upset at us and threatening to cancel our contract- Ranma: They can't do that! Can they? Genma: -you're my... (Nervous pause.) Genma: ...my daughter. How do you think it makes me look when you can't even finish high school? Ranma: I could care less about your image! I couldn't finish high school because I... because... Genma: Yes? Ranma: Never mind. Genma: You're going to have to make up those credits. I don't know how, but you have to do it. Ranma: ...... Genma: I'll enroll you in- Ranma: You stay out of this! I'll take care of it myself. Genma: That's what you always say. * * * * Much, much later... In the Knight Sabers' recreation room, Ranma slouches quite low in the couch. Alone. She clicks the television's channel changer in vain. Ranma: Three more clicks finds the all-music video channel, where one of her videos is ending and another of Vision's videos begins to play. Ranma: She turns off the television and is about to toss the remote away when Akane enters the room. Akane: You sure you want to do that? You've already had to replace two remotes this year... Ranma: Fine. She sets the remote gently on the table next to the couch. Akane sits down beside her. Akane: What's wrong? It's not like you to give up without an argument. Ranma: Nothing. (She turns away.) Akane: (unconvinced) Is that so? Akane: Oops, before I forget... Akane reaches into her handbag and pulls out a wrapped cheeseburger. She places it in Ranma's lap. Akane: Here. I figured you'd want something to eat. I know how late those recording sessions can run. Ranma: (pushes the burger away) I'm not hungry. Akane: Now I *know* something's wrong. I thought you would eat ANYTHING as long as I didn't cook it. Despite her attempts to bury herself in her problems, Ranma can't help but smile. Akane: (moving to keep herself in Ranma's line of vision) Ah-HA! I saw that smile! Ranma: What!? Stupid tomboyish- Akane: (laughs) Too late, too late! Ranma: Leave me alone. Akane: (serious) Not until you tell me what's bothering you. Ranma: ...Dad found out I never graduated from high school. Akane: It *was* your fault. Ranma: Yeah? Well, if I remember correctly *you* were part of the reason I dropped out! Akane: (slightly embarrassed) Oh, that's right. Ranma: Now I've got to take a few night school classes to get everyone else off my case. Akane: Which classes? Ranma: Umm... (She tries to recall the names.) Algebra II, Advanced English, ......Beginner's Economics. Akane: Do you mind if I join you? Ranma: What? Why? Are you trying to make me drop out before I even start? Akane: I'd really like to think you've matured a bit since we went to high school. (She smiles.) Akane: It just so happens that I've been thinking of taking a night school class or two as a refresher course. Akane: Besides, you're going to stay in school this time whether I'm there or not. I'll see to it *personally*. Ranma: (smirks) Oh, really? Ranma: All right. But only if Ukyou and Shampoo don't find out about this. As if on cue, Ukyou and Shampoo enter the rec room. Ukyou: Find out about what? Akane, Ranma: ......... The door at the far end of the room opens to reveal Nabiki standing patiently behind it. Nabiki: They're both going to attend a few night school classes. Shampoo: (blinks) They are? Akane: (upset) Oneechan! How long have you been standing there listening in? Nabiki: Long enough. I'm surprised you haven't soundproofed these walls, Akane. You never know who might be listening to your conversations. (She leaves.) Ranma: Is there some way we could move and not tell her? Nabiki: (From the hallway.) Nope. Ukyou: Now that you mention it, I ought to take a class, myself... Shampoo laughs. Akane: (to Shampoo) What are you so happy about? You're not thinking of signing up too, are you? Shampoo: I can't. I'm on call this entire month. Shampoo: Akane: Oh, well... Nabiki returns with a bag of potato chips and sits on the couch on Ranma's other side. Ranma: (to Nabiki) Thanks a lot. Nabiki: No problem. Say, wasn't that one of my videos you were watching? * * * * One week passes. In the parking lot of the AD Police headquarters, Lt. David Wills waits for his partner, Lt. Mariko Konjou, while leaning against their ADP car and gulping down his third can of a suspiciously familiar lemon-lime drink. His eyes perk up just as Mariko approaches. She'd long since become accustomed to his leers... not that it really mattered. Now, if she could only get Kunou to acknowledge her presence... Mariko: Any land mines? David: Land mines? Don't you think that's a bit ridiculous? This IS a car we're talking about here. Mariko: I wouldn't put anything past that girl. David: Shampoo's imaginative, I'll give you that - but explosives? Come on! He opens his passenger-side door and stands within the opening. David: There's nothing here. I checked. Mariko: Good. I don't need a repeat of last week's incident. It's bad enough she also found a way to pipe a nonstop loop of old 'Battle of the Planets' episodes into my TV set. David: What have you got against Shampoo? Mariko: (frowns) What have you got FOR her? Mariko: (sighs) The Chief's given us a new assignment. He wants us to go undercover at Tomobiki College... David: Tomobiki College? Why? A sudden thought strikes him. Mariko knew that look on his face all too well - it meant he had some sort of lecherous hentai plan in mind. Mariko: What are you thinking about? David: (smiles broadly) Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Mariko: Yeah, *SURE* you aren't. I know you too well. She waits, but no answer comes. Mariko: All right, get in. I'll tell you the details of our assignment on the way. David: So we're going back to school, eh? I don't suppose this means you'll be putting on your high-school cheerleading outfit? Mariko: (puzzled) Why would I want to do that? It's too small for me- She caught David's sudden shift in fantasies; she'd unwittingly walked right into another of them. Mariko: (grabbing David by the shirt and pulling him into the car) Get in here! David: I can't wait... we can go out on a date, go to the prom... Mariko: Shut up! Mariko: (sighs) Mariko: (starting the car) On second thought, I'll probably still be able to fit into my old high school cheerleader's outfit - not that I'm going to model it for you. David: (reclining) So what? That doesn't stop me from picturing you in it... especially with a skirt that keeps getting shorter, and shorter- (Mariko backhands him.) Mariko: (innocently) I'm sorry, did you say something? David: (raised eyebrow) Did I? David watches the landmarks of the road pass without saying anything further. Mariko: You'd better say something. I want to be able to know what you're thinking. David: No, you don't. Mariko: Wanna bet? A silent pervert is much worse than one who tells everyone what he's thinking. David: I resent that remark. Mariko: Wonderful. Mariko: (uneasily) Anyway... Mariko: We're supposed to keep an eye on a Genom employee who's ready to give the ADP a bit of incriminating info on Genom. David: (suspicious) 'Keep an eye on?' Why doesn't he just walk into ADP HQ and be a stool pigeon there? It'd be a MUCH safer place to hang around than a public school for a Genom employee under suspicion. Mariko: He's a *she*. (She notices David's instinctive change in expression at the mention of the word.) Don't get any ideas. David: Hmph. Mariko: She wants to gather more 'evidence' to support her claim - she says that something big is about to happen. She's still attending classes because she wants everything to appear normal... but she's scared Genom may be on to her. David: And with good reason, I'll bet. So why come to the ADP? We've probably got a few double-agents on the payroll ourselves. I hate to admit it, but she'd be better off asking the Knight Sabers to protect her. Mariko: A few lucky strikes and the Knight Sabers are hailed as heroes... No, I don't think so. We can do anything those vigilantes can do and better. David: (turning away) Sounds like something Kunou would say. Mariko: (glaring) What about it? David: (raises his hands) Nothing! All at once, there is a loud click from the radio - and a notably warped version of 'Ja Ja Umani Sasenaide' begins playing. Over, and over... Mariko: (disgusted) Nothing here, eh? * * * * And so the first day of school comes to pass. In the East parking lot of Tomobiki College, which always appeared perfectly intact despite all the chaos that normally happened on school grounds, Akane and Ranma pull into a space. Akane hangs a plastic tag with one of the college parking permit stickers from her rear-view mirror. Ranma: (gathering her books) I still say I should've come on my motorcycle. Akane: Are you afraid to be seen with me? Ranma: I - uh, no! Of course I'm not! Akane: Come on, I know how you are when it comes to spending money. I've saved you gas money for the ride up. Ranma: (mocking tone) My hero. Ukyou: (poking her head out from the rear seat) I thought you weren't taking Amateur Drama, Ran-chan. Ranma: Urusee!* (* Shut up!) A nondescript car pulls up next to them. There is a familiar style to both the car and the driver; almost as if the driver haughtily considered himself or herself to be above anyone else walking - or driving across - the Earth. Ranma found herself hating the person even before the car door opened and out stepped... Kunou: Ranma! What a pleasant surprise to see you here! Ranma and Akane are speechless. Ukyou simply frowns. Ranma: What the hell are you doing here? Kunou: I have been forced to attend a couple of classes in order to make up for missed high school credits. Oh, the indignity of it all! (His tone changes.) But with you here, it will be bearable. Ranma: That's what you think. (She turns to leave.) Akane: (urgently whispering as she pulls Ranma back) No, you don't! Kunou: What does what I think have to do with anything? Ranma opens her mouth to speak, but Ukyou is quicker. Ukyou: You don't really want us to answer that, do you? Kunou studies the newcomer warily. Ukyou, dressed in a more masculine fashion than feminine, returns the gesture. Kunou: And who, pray tell, are you? Ukyou: Ukyou Kuonji, at your service. Akane: (aside, to Ranma) He isn't going to start hitting on HER, is he? Ranma: ...... Kunou: Hmph. A mere child pretending to be a man. Ukyou: (growing angry as she draws her large spatula) What's that supposed t'mean? Ranma and Akane place themselves in between the two to try to keep them apart. Ranma: (to Ukyou) Don't waste your breath! He's not worth it! Ukyou: (angrily) Then why do YOU always get to beat him up? Ranma: It's the only way to get him to quit. Ukyou: If you ask me, you're hogging all the fun. Ranma: (smirks) I'll let you do it after he's gotten on your nerves a little more. Then you'll *really* enjoy getting rid of him. Akane realizes she's made the mistake of standing in Kunou's line of vision. Kunou: Akane Tendo? Akane: Kunou: How fortunate I must be to have the two women I hold dear attending classes alongside me! It has certainly been a long time since I last laid eyes on you, Akane-kun. The last time I saw you was in high school... Kunou: (Turns to face Ranma) When both of you were being menaced by that buffoon with the same name as you. He looks into Ranma's blue eyes with a calculated amount of sympathy. Enough, actually, to make Ranma sick. Ranma: He'll never get it. Akane: Face it: he only sees what he wants. Once he's made up his mind, there's no changing it. Akane: (to Ukyou) I think you should join us for this one. Ukyou: It'll be my pleasure. Kunou: (unaware of the conversation) I swore that if that miserable fool ever crossed my path again, I would... Akane: ONE! Kunou: If he still lives and is man enough to face me, I will show him the error of his ways. Ranma: TWO! Kunou: (unaware that by now, he's talking to himself) To think that one could be so inconsiderate as to... Ukyou: THREE!!! Three fists uppercut Kunou's chin as one; he is sent flying in the direction of the football field. As luck would have it this was the night of an important game, and both teams trampled over Kunou heading in both directions several times without realizing it. Kunou: (lifting his head) That... didn't hurt. Meanwhile, another car pulls into the East parking lot. David: (stepping out of the car) We made it. With a half-hour to spare, too. Now I've got some time to case the campus. Mariko: (opening her door) What about the women? David flashes her a smile. David: Them too, if I'm lucky. Mariko: You aren't. She turns to pull her books out of the rear seat when Ranma, Akane and Ukyou make their appearance, on their way to the main hall. Ranma: What are you two doing here!? Mariko: Hello, Ranma. David: (wide-eyed) Ran-chan!!! David rushes toward Ranma and is stopped cold, after she elbow-rams him into the ground. Mariko: We figured we needed to brush up on our education, so here we are. Ukyou: 'We?' (She looks at David, who's still on the ground recovering from Ranma's attack.) That doesn't sound like the kind of decision he'd make. Ranma: Yeah. Since you're both here, I'll bet you're on assignment. David: (on the ground, off-camera) As a matter of fact, we are. We're- Mariko: (Kicks David.) Shh! Mariko: Okay. If you must know, we're here to make up for some of our ADP education requirements. The Chief wasn't too happy when he found out his two top investigators needed to make up a few classes. Ukyou: (aside, to Akane) The ADP has an education requirement? Then how did Kunou get through? Ranma: Great. That's all I need. First Kunou, now the two of you. Mariko: (wide-eyed) Kunou-sama is here? Ranma: (Realizes she's said the wrong thing.) Uhh... yeah. Mariko: Where can I find him? Ranma: Well, ah... you might try the football field. Mariko: (absently) Thank you! Mariko hastily grabs David, who's finally managed to get back to his feet, and pulls him away, running at top speed toward the football field. David: Hey, wait...! Ukyou: Ran-chan, that was cruel. Ranma: You'd better be glad Nabiki isn't here to capitalize on the situation. (sudden thought) Right, Akane? Akane: (momentarily distracted) Huh? Oh - I wasn't paying attention. What did you say? Ranma: I was just saying... oh, never mind. What're you thinking about? Akane: (sighs) I hate to admit it, but if those two are here, something big must be going on. Ranma: We'll worry about that later. Right now, we've got classes to attend, and I don't want to be late. * * * * Leslie looked down at the image on her holo-shirt, giving the shirt a slight tug as she did so. The holo-shirt was quickly becoming a popular item in the world of anime and manga goods. Any character one wanted could be placed on the shirt - then that character, through the shirt's ingenious sub-micro sensor array, mimicked the actions and expressions of its wearer - within reason, of course, though authorities were determined to silence rumors that versions of the shirts that could go a lot further existed on the black market. Leslie's holo-shirt beared the image of Sailor Venus, with an unshakable Artemis at her side. At this moment, Leslie was quite nervous. So, understandably, was Sailor Venus. That wouldn't do, so she tried a look of confidence. It looked almost as phony on Sailor Venus as it did on her. She sighed and walked into the classroom. From an adjoining hallway a pair of narrowed eyes glowed red. * * * * David: Is this the place? Mariko studies the name plate on the door. Mariko: "Advanced Chemistry 102." Yes, this is the place. What's your rush? We still have ten minutes. David plucks a few more pieces of grass from his hair. David: I want to get situated before something ELSE happens to me. Mariko: What else could happen? David: Don't ask! I don't want to find out. (He enters the classroom.) Mariko throws up her hands in a gesture of defeat and follows him in. In the classroom... Leslie realizes all at once that someone has their hand on her shoulder. She looks up with a start. David: Hello, pretty lady. (He points at the desk to the right of her.) Is this seat taken? Leslie: (suspicious) Is that the best come-on you can manage? Mariko: (softly, from behind Leslie) It's the only one I'd let him use. Mariko: Say, aren't you Leslie Takemura? Leslie: (increasingly suspicious and nervous) I... suppose so. Why do you ask? Mariko: Because we're the people assigned to protect you. Leslie: (Breathes a sigh of relief.) Thank goodness. (She stops and turns to look at David.) Is he as hentai as I think he is? Mariko: Worse, count on it. He's the king of all hentai - a veritable raving hentai lunatic. David: I gotta be me. Mariko: That's what I'm afraid of. Leslie: David: Do you have any idea who may be putting your life in jeopardy? Leslie: No. But there have been a few attempts on my life. David: There have? Why didn't you mention this to anyone? Leslie: I *did*. The authorities around here took it in stride. Mariko: You don't mean... Leslie: Right. Another normal day at Tomobiki College. David: (sarcastic) I'm *really* going to enjoy this assignment. The instructor walks in and stands at the front of the room, nonchalantly dropping her briefcase on her table. Mariko: (to David) Shh! Instructor: Good evening, class. For those of you who have just transferred in- (passing glance at David and Mariko) -I am your substitute instructor, Megan Ishiki. Mrs. Matsukawa is still recuperating in the hospital from her... accident. I won't say anything, but as for who was responsible, you know who you are... Instructor: (shifting modes) Very well, then! Let's get down to work, shall we? Tonight, we'll be pairing off into groups of two for a little lab work. I want to see how many of you are capable of making acid. Instructor: It doesn't have to be anything powerful, mind you - the staff is still upset over last week's incident, so let's be careful. (Cheerfully.) Okay? Instructor: (Walking to David and Mariko's lab station.) Are you sure you're both up to this? Since you're new to this class, I'll understand if you want to sit this one out. Mariko: We'll be fine. Instructor: All right, I just thought I'd check. Twenty-five minutes pass without incident - though Mariko and Leslie each have a bit of suspicion about some of the others' experiments. Mariko squints to look at David's test tube; the liquid inside is a strangely different color than that of anyone else's. Mariko: What in the world are you making? I've never heard of acid being THAT color before. David: (humming to himself) That's because it isn't acid. Mariko: It isn't? Then what is it? David continues to work on the mix, giving it his full attention. David: It's a love potion. Mariko: A love potion? David: Uh-huh. It's a special secret that was taught to me by a mystic. The only thing is, it has to be mixed *just* right... or everything'll blow up in my face. David: I haven't been able to get the right ingredients until now. It cost me nearly a month's salary to get some of the special ingredients, but when I heard I had this opportunity, I didn't want to pass it up. Mariko: It has to be mixed "just right?" David: (barely paying attention) Uh-huh. Mariko: So if I were to, say, (She picks up her test tube and dumps it into David's.) accidentally spill some of this into it, it might ruin it? David: It might. The mixture in the tube explodes violently, shooting out as if from a rocket launcher into David's face. It then proceeds to move of its own accord through the aisles. Everyone leaps onto the chairs or tables to get away from it... though if one didn't know better, the mix would have seemed to be actively pursuing anyone who happened to be female. David: ...... David: (to Mariko) You did that on purpose! Mariko: (*quite* innocently) Who, *me*? Leslie: At that very instant, a pair of eyes was watching Leslie from across the room with cold intent. Their owner smiled. Knowing that not even the incompetent police officials assigned to protect Leslie could stand between it and its prey. Knowing that it was not about to let anyone - not the AD Police, not the Knight Sabers - keep it from accomplishing its primary goal. All it needed was the go-ahead from its superiors, and the prey would be no more. Instructor: All right, everyone, you know the drill. Let's line up single-file and exit the room in an orderly manner. Another student sets his test tube in its holder. Robert: (glancing in the direction of David and Mariko) Yeah. We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt... would we? (lopsided grin) * * * * Elsewhere, Ranma's English class likewise showed signs of impending doom. Kunou, whose name hadn't been on the roster until five minutes before the class began, insisted on sitting at Ranma's side. Akane sat on the other side. Though she didn't tell Ranma, she was grateful that there was another person in between Kunou and her. Ukyou stationed herself in the chair behind Ranma, keeping an eye on the ADP officer. Ranma: What the hell are you doing taking this class? Admit it - you don't need to improve your English skills. You've got more prose leaking out of your mouth than any poet I ever knew. Akane: (Aside, to Ranma) Since when did you ever meet a poet? Kunou: Shall I take that as a compliment? Ranma: You're only doing this to hit on me. Kunou: Such coarse language. This class will be a great benefit to you. Kunou: I shall even take it upon myself to serve as your tutor. (Notices Akane watching him.) And you as well, Akane-kun. (The mental picture starts to form in Kunou's mind. He starts becoming deliriously happy.) Akane frowns. Ranma sighs, and Ukyou edges her giant spatula out an inch farther. Instructor: (Snaps Kunou out of his daydream - or, at least, TRIES to) Kunou-san! Pay attention! Save your hentai fantasies for your own time! Kunou: (Draws his sword.) WHAT... DID... YOU... SAY!?? Instructor: (nervously) ............ Before Kunou can do anything, Ukyou calmly stands up, walks over to him and slams her giant spatula straight down onto his head. She then walks back to her desk as if nothing had happened. Kunou: ......That didn't hurt. (Collapses.) Instructor: (Breathes a sigh of relief.) Thank you, Kuonji-san. Now, perhaps we can proceed with the lesson. Everyone open your textbooks to page 87. On page 87... Ranma: Essays... darn, it would have to be essays... Akane: Pipe down. You want the instructor to hear you? Besides, it's only essay writing. Writing an essay isn't THAT hard. Ranma: Hmph. Showoff. Ranma looks at Ukyou, who has a similar expression on her face. Kunou is still lying prone on the floor. Ranma: (lowering her voice) It isn't the writing I mind. It's having to get up and read it in front of everybody that I hate. Akane: I never thought I'd hear you say that. Ranma: Huh? Akane: Forget it. What about when you're singing? You don't have any problems with prepared material then, do you? Ranma: That's different. Akane: How is it different? Ranma: I actually *like* singing. Akane: ...... Akane: C'mon, reading an essay isn't much different from singing the lyrics to one of your songs. You just have to remember to keep your attention fixed on the audience at all times. Ranma: Yeah, but at least when I'm performing my material doesn't make me want to fall asleep! Akane: Then why not pretend you're singing? Pretend you're giving a concert to a room of screaming fans - and this is what they want to hear! Ranma: With this type of material, it's no wonder Vision's always beating me in the popularity polls... Instructor: (Turns away from the chalkboard and his lecture.) Saotome-san? Tendo-san? Is there anything you would like to share with the whole class? Ranma, Akane: No, sir... Kunou: (With his face still planted securely in the tile floor.) Mmmmmm... Akane-kun...... Pony-tailed girl...... whom shall it be? Please, don't make me choose between you...... I do love you so............. Akane: (hiding her face in her hands) ...... Ranma: Great, now he's having high-school flashbacks. Taking her cue, Ranma picks Kunou up and drapes him over her shoulder. Ranma: (To the instructor as she heads for a window.) Better move - he's a lot more dense than he acts. She opens the window and unceremoniously tosses him through it. Ranma: (dusting her hands off) That should do it. Instructor: Interesting approach. But we're three stories up. Aren't you afraid he'll- Ranma: (mimicking Kunou's voice) It won't hurt. Ukyou: Yeah, it's not like brain damage would cause a noticeable change. Akane: Is there a pool down there? * * * * In the cafeteria, Mariko and Leslie enjoy a quiet hentai-free moment to themselves. David approaches, his tray loaded down not by the weight of the few items of food he has chosen, but by the twelve-pack of a increasingly familiar lemon-lime drink towering over all. Leslie: Don't you think you have enough of that crap? Mariko: Uh-oh... I think you've picked the wrong thing to say. David: Crap? What do you mean, crap? I need these to make it through the day. Mariko: Not to mention all the other cans of the stuff you bought this morning. Leslie: (To David.) Are you serious? (To herself.) I can't believe I asked HIM that. Mariko: Oh, he's serious, all right. The last time he got shot, we filled an IV bottle with the stuff and it actually helped him recover faster. Leslie: (To David.) You've been shot? At least you're dedicated enough to risk your life in the line of work... Mariko: (Clears her throat.) *I* shot him. He was sneaking around inside my apartment late one night. I thought he was a prowler. In the large synthglass windows behind them, a figure can be seen falling to the ground. A loud crash is heard. David: That looked like Kunou. Mariko's expression abruptly changes. Mariko: (absently) Kunou-sama? She bolts from her chair like a frightened woodland animal, only without the fear. Within a heartbeat's time she had made it outside and was kneeling with the hapless ADP officer's head cradled in her lap. Leslie: And here I thought she was the sane one. David: Nope. (He polishes off a third can in complete seriousness.) Leslie: (Noting David's composure.) What, is one of you always serious while the other acts like a lunatic? David stores the remaining cans in his bookbag. David: (stands) Who's acting? Leslie: I'll take your word on that. C'mon, it's almost time to get back to class. Maybe they've cleaned up the mess you made by now. David: Hold on. Leslie: What? What for? David: What kind of information do you have on Genom that the higher-ups are so interested in? Leslie quickly and inconspicuously scans the cafeteria for signs of anything that might put her in jeopardy. Finding nothing, she moves closer to David. Leslie: Let's just say I've got something that could very well shut down an entire branch of one of Genom's tentacles. David: Really? You'll have to tell me about it later. How about my place, say- (Leslie elbows him in the gut.) They walk through the glass double doors, past the heart-wrenching scene that was taking place outside. Mariko: (Looks down at the unconscious face in her lap with a tear in her eye) ...Kunou-sama... (She brushes the hair from his face.) David: Mariko? Mariko-chan! Oi!! He repeats the call, this time waving his arms violently and frantically. David: (Sighs, giving up.) I can't reach her when she's like this. Leslie: (softly) She's really in love with him, isn't she? David: (Taken by surprise.) Huh? Oh, yeah, she is. Completely. Even worse, he's one of our co-workers, so we have to risk running into him every day... not to mention the fact that the guy's a total jerk. Leslie: You're one to talk. David: I'm not a jerk! I'm a misunderstood raving hentai lunatic. David: At least I'm not the one who stalks Ranma on his off-hours... Leslie: Prove it. David: Okay, but you'll have to stay with me all day... The boomer operative who had stationed itself at the opposite end of the cafeteria transmits the tail end of Leslie's conversation with David to its superior. (Leslie: Let's just say I've got something that could very well shut down an entire branch of one of Genom's tentacles.) A voice, familiar yet virtually indistinguishable from the tinny rendition given it by the boomer's subsystems - which obviously weren't designed with sound quality in mind - speaks up. Voice: Good work. You have performed your assignment well. Boomer: What are my orders? Voice: We can no longer afford to take chances. Terminate as soon as possible. And if anyone happens to get in your way... Boomer: I understand. * * * * Returning to the Advanced Chemistry lab, David and Leslie find that the room is completely clean. David checks, but cannot find a trace of his 'creation.' David: Whoa, it's almost like what they say about animation. Leslie: What's that? David: (grins) There's nothing a good scene change won't handle. Leslie frowns at him. Sailor Venus does the same. Robert: (confronting David) I hope you're happy. Because of you we'll probably have to stay late!! You ought to be tied to a chair and made to watch every single poorly dubbed anime known to humankind... twice! James: (Abruptly yanks Robert away.) Don't mind him. He's got a LOT of anger to work out. James: David: (Watching James lead Robert back to his seat.) ............... Megan re-enters the room, followed by a slightly embarrassed Mariko. Instructor: Wills! Oh, good, you're here. I was hoping you would be. Leslie: (Watching David.) David: Yes? Instructor: We aren't going to have a repeat of what happened earlier, are we? David: It wasn't my fault! It was- Instructor: I've already had a talk with Mariko, here. I trust you two won't get into any more trouble? David: (Studies Mariko.) We won't. David: (Aside, to Leslie) Honest. (He smiles mischievously.) The class resumes its experiment in making acid. This time, however, Mariko and David leave the experiment to the others... even though David can't help offering pointers to Leslie and her partner. Leslie: What do you think you're doing? I can handle my own lab work, thank you very much. David: I just thought you might need some help... Leslie: That's what my lab partner's for. Robert: Why don't you leave her alone? Haven't you caused enough trouble already? David: (calmly) Have you? Robert: I'll give you till the count of ten to- Finally, Megan joins in the fray. Instructor: What's going on here? Robert: Uh, nothing! David: A slight difference of opinion. Robert: (aside, to David) Yeah, we're right; you're wrong. David: (aside, to Robert) I have NO idea what you're talking about. Robert skims a breath mint at David in retaliation. Instructor: (To David and Robert.) All right, you two, that's *enough*! (Turns to face Leslie.) And as for you, Miss Takemura... At that exact instant, David happens to see something in Megan's expression he doesn't quite understand. Instructor: I want to speak to you out in the hall for a moment. Leslie: (With a passing glare at David.) Hai. (They leave the room.) Mariko walks over to her still-confused partner. Robert: See what you've done? David: Oh, shut up. (He pushes Robert over to James.) See if you can do something with him. James: That's all I ever do, these days... David: (sudden realization) That's it! Mariko: Huh? David: I saw something on our instructor's face I didn't quite understand. Mariko: Oh, is that all? David: No! You don't get it! When she asked Leslie to join her in the hall, she almost looked happy about it... and then, when she turned away, I could've sworn I saw her eyes glow red for an instant. Mariko: That means- David, Mariko: (loudly, meeting each other's glance) She could be a boomer! Robert: (incredulous) WHAT!? Mariko tows David out of the room by his right arm. Mariko: Why didn't you say anything sooner? We've wasted a lot of time standing around and talking! David: (protesting) Oh!? Then why didn't you do anything when she took Leslie out of the room? I thought we were supposed to have kept Leslie in our sight! The door slams behind them. Robert: (To James.) What was that about? James: (shrugs) I have no idea. And so, in the hallway... Leslie attempts to struggle free from Megan's grip... which is understandable, considering the woman now has the appearance of one of the most dreaded monsters Leslie knew of: a Genom boomer, particularly the type used for assassination. An ordinary person might not be able to tell the difference, but she knew... and wished she didn't, for it made her all the more frightened. Leslie: (Stalling for time.) What do you want? Megan: Forget the games, Takemura. You know full well why I'm here. I'm going to kill you. Leslie: Where are you taking me? Megan: Somewhere where what is about to happen won't be as conspicuous. Leslie: Are you sure you don't want to kill me here? It doesn't make any difference whatsoever. Megan: What a wonderful idea! (She stops.) Leslie: (Realizing her mistake.) David: (From behind them.) Hold it! Megan turns her head to see Mariko and David behind her in the hallway. Mariko has a small standard-issue ADP firearm trained on the boomer; David has a rather *large* anti-boomer cannon propped on his shoulder. Leslie: (to David) Where the hell did you get THAT? David: I've been carrying it around in my bookbag. Mariko: You have? And you still had room for all those cans? Megan: (charging the ADP officers) *SHI--------NE!!!!!!* (* Die!!!!!!) With no time to fire off a round or two, David and Mariko turn and run. They quickly reach the glass windows at the end of the hall. Putting their arms in front of their faces for protection, they dive through... * * * * Moments earlier, Ranma, Akane and Ukyou - on their break from class - try to enjoy a meal in the cafeteria while remaining on the lookout for Kunou. Akane had heard Kunou had been taken to the infirmary, but she wasn't about to take any chances. Two of the trio's classmates sit at a nearby table. Mike: I've got it! I know what I'm going to write for that Creative Writing story assignment! Drew: As long as it isn't that Sailor Moon story you've been wanting to do for some time now. Mike: What's wrong with the Sailor Moon story? Drew: You're better off doing something else. How about doing a Urusei Yatsura story instead? Mike: Aww, come on. There aren't that many Sailor Moon stories out there. Drew: What's your point? Mike: Oh, never mind. Ranma: (watching the debate) What's with those two? Akane: Forget them. We've got bigger problems to worry about. Ranma: Maybe you're right. The sound of a glass window fragmenting into millions of unidentifiable pieces can be heard from a floor up. Fortunately, most of the cafeteria's walls were made of wraparound synthglass, so everyone could see the scene unfolding. Everyone watched in silence as David, Mariko and their weapons burst through the glass window on the second floor. A second later, a menacing boomer passed up plowing through the window after them in favor of plowing through the wall. Ranma: !! Ukyou: If only we had our hardsuits...! Akane: Quick! Follow me! They follow Akane to their parking lot to find Ryouga sitting in the cab of the Silky Doll truck - which also served as a mobile base of operations. Ranma: But how...? Akane: I had a feeling something was going to happen when we ran into those ADP officers. So, I called Ryouga and had him wait here. Ranma: (As she climbs into the trailer.) You always think of everything, don't you? * * * * David finds his cannon to be of little use against Megan; she wouldn't stay in one place long enough for him to draw a bead on her and she certainly wasn't about to let him take the time to reload - which needed to be done quite often with that particular class of cannon. Mariko wasn't having much luck either - her shots merely bounced off the boomer's thicker armor. Mariko: Megan turns her scatter cannon on them and laughs as the pair 'dance' around the football field trying to avoid the shots. Leslie looks for a way to save herself - anything - but Megan had her in a position where she couldn't do a thing. A chance blast from David's cannon shatters Megan's communications relay. She reflexively tosses Leslie aside and advances toward David. Voice: That's far enough! Megan: (pauses, scanning for the source of the voice) Who said that? Three figures stand at the top of the stadium wall, silhouetted by the crescent moon behind them. Akane: You're going to have to deal with us for a change. Megan lets firepower speak for her instead of words. She hurls a concussion shell at the Knight Sabers. They leap away before the shell impacts upon the wall. With Megan's attention preoccupied, David and Mariko take a second to regain their bearings. Mariko: Damn it! We had the whole situation under control and the Knight Sabers have to come and ruin everything! David: Yeah, whatever. Could you cover me? Mariko: Sure. Why? David: (Gestures toward Leslie's still form on the field.) I'm going after Leslie. Mariko: With all that's going on out there? You've got to be crazy! Mariko: ...On second thought, forget I ever said that. David: I will if you will. The Knight Sabers land in a triangular formation around Megan. Megan cautiously sizes up her opponents, making it look as though she were trying to look for an escape route. She decides Akane to be the weak link and charges her, batting the Knight Saber away. Ranma, Ukyou: Akane! Ranma: We're through playing games. Ukyou: Speak for yourself. I've been dying to try out a new recipe I've decided to call 'Boomer Okonomiyaki.' Megan: ...... Akane returns, announcing her presence by swiftly kicking the boomer wide, over the goal posts and head-first into the bleachers. Akane: HA!!!! The Knight Sabers follow up on Akane's attack, giving David more time to reach Leslie unharmed. David: (Nudging Leslie.) C'mon, wake up. This isn't the place to fall asleep! Leslie: Would you shut up!? I've been trying to play dead so that thing might leave me alone! David: Do you honestly believe a boomer would fall for that trick? Leslie: It's possible. Highly unlikely, though. David: And you figured you'd take the risk. Leslie: At least *I'm* not the one it took potshots at. David: All in the line of duty. Come on, we're going to try to get you out of here while the Knight Sabers keep that thing busy. Leslie: (giving in) Oh, what the hell. The risk's going to be the same no matter what I do. David: That's the spirit. Keep this up, and you could be an AD Police officer. Leslie: I'm not *THAT* desperate. They make a beeline for Mariko's position. Megan detects their motion on her sensors and launches into the air after them. Ranma, Mariko, David: Ukyou: Not so fast! She bounds after Megan. Catching up with the boomer in midair, she takes a swipe at it with her spatula that knocks it into the ground. Ukyou: NOW!!! The Knight Sabers let loose everything they have at the boomer. Even Mariko, trying to keep David's anti-boomer cannon straight, joins in the action. The boomer finally disintegrates in a tremendous explosion. Akane: That thing must have been equipped with a doomsday function. Ranma: Who cares? As long as it's gone. That's all that matters. Mariko: (angrily, to the Knight Sabers) Can't you idiots leave this kind of work to the PROS? David: (nervously) Mariko-chan... The Knight Sabers wordlessly look for a few seconds at the ADP officers and their charge, then disappear into the distance. Mariko: (scowls) Hmph! * * * * That evening, after class, in the parking lot... Mariko: (to Leslie) I guess this means your suspicions were correct. We'll have to place you under full-time protection. David: Well, that's one way of getting you to go out on a date with me. Leslie: Okay, I'll do it. David: What? Leslie: I'll go out on a date with you. Mariko: ***WHAT***!?!? Leslie: (to Mariko) I've taken risks this evening that make even blind dates seem far less threatening. David: (sarcastically) Thanks. Leslie: (To David.) There's one condition, though. David: Oh? Leslie: There are to be absolutely, positively **NO** hentai thoughts, behavior or suggestions whatsoever. Do I make myself clear? David: (shrugs) I can't promise anything. Leslie: You will. I'll make sure of it. Mariko: You don't know what you're getting yourself into... Elsewhere... Ukyou: I'm glad that's over with. Ranma: Hey, who says you can't have fun at school? Ukyou: (sternly) Ran-chan! Ranma shrugs. Akane smiles. Akane: I hope you don't expect every school night to be like this. Kunou appears from out of nowhere - a bandage wrapped ever so tightly around his head - and embraces Ranma. Kunou: Ranma, I've missed you so... you don't know what the past few hours have been like for me! Ranma: If you don't let go of me, I can tell you what the next few hours are going to be like... Kunou: (To Akane.) Akane-kun, I must apologize to you for neglecting you all this time. I will be sure to spend more time with you in the future. As Ranma and Akane become even more annoyed with Kunou, Ukyou uses her giant spatula to pry Kunou off Ranma, and flings him into a nearby dumpster. Ranma slams the lid and sits on it to keep Kunou inside for the moment. Ranma: I don't care what you say, Akane! If he keeps this up, I'm going to drop out again. Akane: That won't help. (She reaches into her bag and comes up with an item. She tosses it to Ranma.) But this might. Ranma looks at the item in her hand. It turns out to be an ordinary metal key. Ranma: A key? What's it for? Akane: That dumpster. Ranma: (evil grin) Really? Where'd you get it? She hops off the dumpster lid and locks everything up. Akane: You don't want to know. Ranma, Ukyou: (looking at each other) Nabiki. The trio walk away. A faint, muffled banging can be heard from within the dumpster. Kunou: Let me out of here! It's dark in here! Let me out! --------------------- CREDITS: Special Guest Appearances by: ----------------------------- David Wills, Official Raving Hentai Lunatic (of more than one dimension) and established DOOM fanatic Drew Hurlstone, Official Raving Married Lunatic and weary writer/DOOM patcher Mike Koos (just because he wanted to see his name appear somewhere else in the credits) James "JAI" Irwin (Robert's archnemesis) Robert Geiger (bribed in advance) Creative Consultants: --------------------- John Boomgarn Drew Hurlstone David Wills Pre-readers: ------------ Johnny Dentino Drew Hurlstone Thomas Kinnen David Wills Apologies to Rumiko Takahashi, Kenichi Sonoda and to anyone else whose characters or situations were referenced to or used here. Special thanks to: The Home Crew (whoever they may be), John Boomgarn, Johnny Dentino, Drew Hurlstone, Thomas Kinnen, David Wills, and last but most, the readers of Bubblegum Splash!. Disclaimer: The usual. (You have to cut and paste at least one. :) Disclaimer #2: Any and all references in the context of this story to Mystery Science Theater 3000, Whose Line Is It Anyway or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quite possibly MAY be a complete figment of the author's imagination and should be treated as such. If you can determine this to be the case, let us know. Otherwise... Disclaimer #3: All references to Sailor Moon were done completely without Drew's permission. Honest. Some of you are probably wondering - why didn't I have Hinako-sensei make an appearance in this story? It would be the perfect time to have her appear, right? Well... I don't know, myself. (Actually, that's not true. I have my reasons... ^_^) Other 'episodes' of Bubblegum Splash! are available for FTP from the rec.arts.anime.creative archive site, ftp.cs.ubc.ca, or from my WWW pages (address below). Comments, questions, suggestions? E-mail me at the addresses below. * Mike ('Kino Makoto') Koos: makoto@cal.net * http://www.fanfic.net/~makoto * * "I can do nothing to stop you. Your background music is too strong * for me." - Sam Johnson, Whose Line is it Anyway?